Alright... let me just preface this by saying you're probably going to want to tell me "but that's not how it was meant." I know. I know I shouldn't be annoyed or offended by the things I'm going to discuss. I guess now I discuss this more as FYI rather than reacting to being annoyed/offended. So please if all you can manage to think of to say to me is "but you shouldn't take it that way" then don't bother commenting.
This weekend was General Conference for the LDS church. It is a weekend I love. The weekend always ends with me feeling uplifted and inspired. This year was no different. I have a greater understanding of many gospel principles and I was inspired to change a few things in my life so I can be the best me possible. After all, my husband deserves me to try my best to be the best I can be. Every talk had pieces that I related to, however two talks this year really stick out in my mind that struck a cord with me. They're underlying messages were quite similar, although the way they went about getting to the point were quite different.
The first message I want to talk about I felt was especially for me. It was about the love of our Savior and the fact that we are never alone because He is always with us. Although I may feel all by myself in my grief, loneliness, feelings of inadaquacy and failure, my Savior knows how I feel. His Atonement was for me, and me alone if need be. He suffered so He would know how I feel and be able to comfort me. This is something I believe wholeheartedly. I have felt His arms wrapped around me. I have felt His reassurance that I am not a failure because of my infertility. I know I am reason enough for His Atonement. I am so grateful for this knowledge. It is why I am able to continue on.
The next message was where I got annoyed... I guess because I often can be found to say the same thing as a way to explain myself to others that just don't seem to get INFERTILITY
This message started out with a story about a couple sitting on a plane discussing how they had decided not to have kids but to have dogs instead because the don't talk back, go to college, etc. The speaker went on to say how selfish he thought this was of this couple.
(Now let it be known... I LOVE Tuffy. He is my baby. I would do anything for him... and yes on occasion I even dress him up. I have also been known to explain our "choice," since that's what some people think us not having kids is, as simply "Dogs are so much easier, plus I have my First Graders." This has become my standard response because I have a lot (not all...some of you are amazing!) of family that haven't a clue as to what I'm going through nor do they seem to care. They just think we're selfish for not having kids I'm sure.)
The thought that went through my head the moment he said that was "He has no clue!" Which I'm sure he doesn't. However, his underlying message was the same... Our Savior loves us and died for us so that we could come to Earth to have this mortal experience. I understand that. I get his point from the w-h-o-l-e picture... I'm just sure that I would have gotten there a different way. Now granted if he knew the couple personally and if they were a couple fighting with infertility I'm sure his observations would have been different. But, we'll never know. It very well could have been John and I that was overheard.
However, I did get the "real" message I promise.
So I'm sure that this doesn't make much sense to most of you because it's not very cohesive. But I feel better writing it.
Bottom Line: Just know that when I say that my first graders and Tuffy keep me plenty busy... I'm lying through my teeth. There is nothing I want more than children to call my own.