Sunday, February 28, 2010

Feeling Loved

I have many friends.

I cherish every one of them.

Some know of my struggles with infertility.

Even fewer know of my daily "keep your positive attitude" struggle.

A only one, to my knowledge, knows first hand the feelings that come with infertility in any way, shape, or form at all.

I'm grateful for that in two ways:
  1. My friends don't have to deal with infertility (i would not wish this on anyone ever, despite what my post a week or so ago may have had you thinking)
  2. The one that understands these feelings understands how I feel better than I do sometimes.

Now I must tell you all, that I'm not very good at being sentimental face to face. I don't like the crying or the awkwardness. I never have, so I'm using this here, my little blog, to let her know how greatful I am for her friendship.

Last November, after my nephew was born, I was telling her how my "people that are currently pregnant" list was empty (which in reality it wasn't but oh well), and I was glad to have a day or two before I was SURE I would start hearing new announcements.

Well a week or so later she called me to tell me she was pregnant. It was one of the most kind moments of my entire life. I knew she was calling me specifically because she cared about me and my feelings. I could tell that she felt so badly telling me, and I had made it even worse with my comment(sorry about that!). However, It is a moment cemented in my mind.

I am eternally greatful for the outpouring of love from her always, but espeically at that moment. I know I never told her thank you for being so kind and considerate, so thank you. It meant the world to me. I'm also sorry for making your feel so guilty! We are nothing but extatic for you guys! I am thrilled to have 5 of your little ones to be able to love.

Thanks for being an amazing friend, sharing your kids with us, and understanding me!

Oh, and Happy belated birthday!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Show and Tell: Sock It To Me Edition

Be sure to check out what the rest of the class is showing and all the other amazing socks!

Well, this being my first time for Sock it to Me and I really had no IDEA what I was doing.

First, I must apologize to Soapchick who I was in charge of sending socks to this time around. I read through much of her blog trying to find out all about her so I could find her the most perfect pair of socks. I looked at many stores early on trying to get a feel for what was out there. And then it came right down to it and I hadn't chosen any socks for her. None was the perfect pair I had envisioned...So finally I just had to pick a pair. In the end, the pair I picked was fun, unusual, would be very warm, and not to mention would share a little love. I just hope she got them on time and that I wrote the address correctly. Oh yeah, and I didn't tell her who I was... I'm a horrible sock buddy!
My sending buddy was Tam from Half a Duo Raising a Duo (I think she has a private blog). She's great and e-mailed me right away asking what kinds of things i liked. I mentioned that we have a crazy sock day for Dr. Seuss week in my class and she found me Dr. Seuss socks!!!! I am thrilled about them and my 1st/2nd graders are going to LOVE them! Thanks Tam!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Happy ICLW: February Edition

Well hello everyone!

I'm really sorry if you stopped by and were smacked in the face with my last post... it was pretty deep, heartfelt, and full of emotions. If you're ready for that feel free to keep reading.

This week is one of my favorites every month. I find so many new blogs to read and LOVE LOVE LOVE all of the comments!

Here's some details about me
  • 26
  • married almost 7 years
  • PCOS and ENDO diagnosis
  • not currently ttc
  • husband is back in school
  • teacher
  • most likely after last week, going to be having another Lap. in the nearer future
  • first Lap. was 8 years ago

I love this community. I'm thrilled to have the support, friendship, and "i'm not the only one in this boat" feeling. Thanks to all of you for that!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

My deepest darkest feelings...

My "here's what I really think of you" announcement to:

  • the parents of children on the news everyday that are traded for drugs, left to wander 2 blocks in the middle of the night, or left in dumpsters.
  • the parents of children who feel entitled to EVERYTHING, think they're above everyone else, and think the rules don't apply to them.
  • Especially parents who NEVER tell their children NO or stand by while their child is blatantly rude, dishonest, hurtful, or mean and don't do anything.
  • Also, to those parents who are NOT appreciative of the blessing ALL children are, along with the RESPONSIBILITY they have to care for and raise them WELL.

I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of pretending I don't hate your guts for your lack of parentin, and how it is affecting your child/children.

I'm sick of hearing about you on the news, Oprah shows, and on the internet.

I'm sick of the hatred I feel for you EVERY time I see or hear of you neglecting your child who needs you more than your socialization, your job, your drug addiction, or your other children.

  • I hate that you expect others to do for your child what YOU should have been doing all along but haven't.
  • I hate even more, your fury, when the others don't do it "RIGHT".
  • I hate that you think you're the victim.
  • I hate that you think it's everyone else's fault.
  • I hate that I still HAVE to be kind and considerate, and that by voicing my opinion of you, I'M the bad guy.
  • I hate that because I don't have any children, my opinion of any of these types of situations doesn't matter because "I don't know".
  • I hate being in a public setting, seeing you, being annoyed because I feel I should keep an eye out for your child because I know you won't be paying attention.
  • I hate that you judge me because I don't have children and you don't know anything about me, or care to find out.
  • I hate that you tell me how lucky I am because I'm not tied down with children.
  • I hate that I KNOW I could do a better job, but will probably never get the chance.
  • Most of all, I hate myself for my thoughts and feelings towards you. I know being a parent is hard. I know you want what's best for your child, even if YOU cannot provide that (for whatever reason that I don't know and even if I did, I couldn't/wouldn't understand).

Wow... I have some issues! But I feel SO much better after writing that!

*****If this offends you, I'm sorry. I know many of my thought processes are not in the "norm" especially for those of you that read this with children, and even more so if INFERTILITY has NEVER applied to you. A lot of things have happened in my life that is causing me to finally admit my deepest darkest feelings.

*****I'm not calling ANYONE a bad parent. I know parenting is hard, and if I ever get the chance I won't be perfect at it so, I'm sorry if this makes you feel that way.

*****I am voicing my opinions and feelings. You're welcome to disagree, but not to tell me how I feel is wrong.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Show and Tell: Utah Auto Expo

Be sure to check out what the rest of the class is showing!

So a month ago we headed north to take my sister a bunch of her stuff and to pick up some of my old medical records they wouldn't just fax (more on those later). Here are some of our favorites :) Not that we're buying any, since we just bought my very first brand new new car ever,(Love my Dodge Caliber!) but it was still a great time looking!

John's dream truck...

The new Audi R8... or something like that.

The latest Audi TT roadster convertible... This has been my dream car since high school when it first came out. I still love it.
The newest Toyota Prius, the only car where Dana (my sister) could reach the pedals... hehe!
John loves him a Buick. I don't understand, but I don't need to, I guess.
The Transfomer Edition Camaro... so cool!

I don't know what car this is... it may be a Camaro too. (my husband would be laughing hystarically if he knew I was admitting this!)
The Dale Jr. edition Camaro... John was drooling, literally!

Somehow, I didn't get a picture of my "if we ever need a bigger car" car. It was probably because I was too busy being in it to remeber to take a picture of it... but it was a Dodge Journey.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Life is hard...Concrete is harder!

I know life is hard. It always is for someone. It is for me often. Everyone can ALWAYS find something to complain about. However I'm here to tell you that concrete/asphalt is WAY harder!

Remember last year when I broke my face? (gruesome pictures in link)

Well today I totally stepped on a rock, rolled my ankle, tripped, and sprawled out on the asphalt in front of the ENTIRE school (and no, I'm not exaggerating like I usually do... this happened at school square, where we all meet every morning and have the pledge, announcements, etc.) It was great fun, I'm mostly fine, my right hand is having some muscle pains, I think i pinched something. At least this time I only broke my pride!

I promise, as hard as life is, concrete is harder!