Friday, May 22, 2009

Welcome ICLWers!

I apologize this is late up front! I cannot believe we've already gone a month and it's time for ICLW again. Last month was my first time participating and I found so many new great blogs and fellow members of the IF community. I'm thrilled it's time again.

I'm a first grade teacher and today was the last day of first grade for the year. Needless to say it's been a busy and stressful week.

Here's a little bit about me and my infertility journey
Feb 02 Diagnosed with Endometriosis through lap.
June 03 married
Aug. 03 go off BCP
Aug-Dec 03 TTC on own
Jan-May 04 TTC with Dr. "home remedies" (old school dr.)
May-Sept. 04 TTC with help of Clomid
Oct 04 moved
March 05 annual visit, first mention of PCOS
June 06 PCOS diagnosis through BW must be on BCP or TTC can't just "wait and see"
I've been on BCP and Metformin ever since (don't have the money or emotional reserves necessary to proceed).

Husband goes back to school next week and hopefully in the next year or so we can start TTC actively again.

So no I haven't done IUI's IVF or any of the other things, but living with IF is hard no matter what place on the long road you occupy.

So welcome, and pardon my whining as of late, there's a lot of drama in my life... and this blog is my way of dealing.

Monday, May 18, 2009


So EVERY time I go to the doctor I'm told that I'm too stressed and my issues are all magnified by stress so I need to destress my life. When they ask me about how stressful my life is I just laugh at them. Here's the stress going on last week and this week in a nut shell. I'm hoping typing all of this out will help ease some stress and help me sleep a little better tonight (last night I woke up terrified that people were after me with guns... nice dream eh?).

  • Being told I'm teaching a 1st 2nd grade SEI split class next year. (How ? I'm not sure yet!)
  • Children missing (didn't get off at their bus stop type things) two days in a row.
  • Our missing principal (so his wife was having a baby... it is still really difficult when he's gone!)
  • Thursday our car dies (yes it's really dead after 11 years and 180,00+ miles it'll take $1800 to fix)
  • Friday John fixes what we know is wrong himself (it doesn't work)
  • Saturday was spent trying to get the car to St. George (John does good work!)
  • Sunday no primary president or pianist in primary... unexpected.
  • Today took the day of but spent it at school putting hands on the wall, end of the year Reading Rewards parade, End of year Dibels Report to keep funding for next year, ran to Mesquite to get treats for all of the parties this week, went to St. George after school to move the car to Bob's house after finding out how much it is to fix the car, grocery shopping, and finally coming home... all of this today has been accompanied by the worst headache I've had in a long time.
  • This week is the last week of school which means report cards, end of 4th quarter testing, finishing 16 scrapbooks, cleaning our room, getting name tags off desks...etc, etc, etc!
  • Students of the Month need to be recognized by Friday... (i'm in charge of making their certificates...)

Now don't get me wrong there have been multiple blessings in all of this, I see them and am extremely grateful for them. It doesn't make it less stressful or easy, but it does help me stay focused on the long term goals.

Needless to say, my next trip to the Dr. probably won't go any better. And I'm sure if I took my blood pressure today it would be THROUGH THE ROOF!

Here's to a new day tomorrow, let's hope things start looking up!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Mother's Day

Mother's day in my world is extremely hard to handle. The infertility that I have experienced and all of the pain and sadness it causes all seem to be very close to the surface by the time we make it to Mother's Day. The last 2 years in particular have been extra difficult becaue Mother's Day reminds me of the last time I saw and spent time with my Dad before he passed away. Now I know it's Mother's Day but alas those are the conflicting issues I have in my head when we get to this time of year.

This year my class made key chains and wrote letters to their moms for mothers day. This is usually the hardest part of mother's day for me only because with some of my darlings I feel I do WAY more for them then their mothers do. This year MOST of my kids have wonderful mothers that are everything a mother should be. SOME still I would love to take home with me but alas, I cannot.
Also, this year I was in LA with my aunt and uncle. We got to do some amazing things with them. On Saturday we did some shopping. In one of the stores they were handing out roses to the moms. On my way out the door they were asking if I was a mom, I said no, but they gave me the rose and wished me a Happy Mother's Day anyway. I was grateful for that! They didn't make it too awkward which was nice.
We also went to a concert that was marvelous. These kids are amazing! They too had a message (given by my uncle) about mothers day. His daughter also suffered from infertility for many years, adopted, and has since had 2 little boys of her own. He talked about how women are mothers in many ways. I think it was just for me, but whether or not it was, I'm extremely grateful he did! These darling children play and sing "I am a Child of God" was one of the highlights. So precious. And so talented!

I survived church. I think it was because no one knew us, I related with the message, even though it was ALL ABOUT MOMS, however I could apply it to my teaching as well. Also, I really feel like my Heavenly Father was watching out for me and really telling my heart what HE wanted me to know. I left feeling very comforted.

We had dinner with my aunt and uncle and then headed home. I think the nicest part of my Mother's Day was the wonderful long nap I got on our long drive home. Also knowing my brother got to call home was fun, even though he didn't get to call us.

Overall, I think I survived, and actually enjoyed mother's day this year (at least compared to last year when I VOWED I would never go to church again on Mother's day!).