Saturday, January 29, 2011

Walk of Hope

Click to Join Team Reyes for RESOLVE's Walk of Hope in Scottsdale, AZ

I'm so excited! The first Saturday in March, the 5th, John and I are headed to Scotssdale to walk in the Walk of Hope. Please join us if you can! Can't come? You can still help me reach my fundraising goal of $200.00 for RESOLVE INC. (the national infertility association)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Better, Thanks!

Well, we're now a week later. I've had a healthy dose of perspective, a famous psychologist explain to me (without knowing me or directing it at me) why I've been loving my video games recently, and the Dr. office finally called.

It's amazing what perspective does for me. I'm very much a reactive person. I don't think, I just do, feel, say whatever immediately. Over the last several years, I've tried to change this about myself because I generally felt regret and guilt over my reactions.

So last Monday, after I received the fax of the report and was feeling sorry for myself and my friend asked how I was and I replied, "awful right now, but once I go home and find some perspective in the grand scheme of things, I'll be fine and tomorrow is a new day."

I've come A LONG way people!

Howard Glasser, the famous ADHD specialist and psychologist, came to our little school district for a presentation Friday. He was discussing his various philosophies and I latched on to his ideas about why children LOVE video games. Needless to say, its a control-boundaries-rewards thing. They have control, concrete boundaries, and constant rewards for little achievements (coins, tickets, etc). It hit me in that moment, as he's explaining why it's so addicting for them, that I've been the "little kid" and addicted this last week. I got Epic Mickey for Christmas (thanks Kami!) I LOVE IT! It all made perfect sense since I have no control over seemingly any part of my life lately as to why I would love playing silly video games for HOURS at a time. (Especially since John is NEVER home on weeknights) I can control the character. I know the rules and what happens if I break them. Plus I love the praise, praise, praise! Needless to say, big AH HA moment, and explanation for my latest obsession!

Howard was also a huge inspiration for me in dealing with my students. Can I just say, today was SO.MUCH.BETTER! Hallelujah! The Nurtured Hear approach works, even if you don't have it perfected yet. I mean for heaven sake, I had a student apologize to me for his behavior today... SHOCKING!

Overall, while exhausted, I feel much better about life in general.

When I hear back about what the plan is for going forward in dealing with my arcuate/septated/bicornuate uterus I'll let you know the plans.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Not dealing well

the information I read last night is not sitting well.

I'm not reacting well. I'm not dealing with other's well. At the moment I'm ready to strangle a lady from church who has so many issues I can't wrap my head around it. I came home from a meeting screaming and crying and frustrated... needless to say, I just e-mailed the ladies and took myself off the committee. I can't hold it all together. And no poor old lady needs to be lashed out at because she's an idiot and on any other day I could probably handle her.

All will be ok... but that 15 lbs I'd lost since august? all this ice cream and oreos i'm eating is going to negate that too.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Catching you up.

We're still here, and all is well regarding flooding and such.

I realized on Christmas that I would need to start the Prome.trium the following Monday. This meant that I had to take a pregnancy test, too. It was awful buying it. It was even more awful taking it. I knew it was a waste of time and money. I also knew it was a waste of my emotional reserve, but the lady at the pharmacy at Costco said they would ask me before giving me the pro.metrium if I was pregnant. So I had to take one.

Taking a pregnancy test that you know is going to be negative is awful. because just in the act of taking it means there has to be some hope. Ugh! Way more emotional control needed then I had that morning. Luckily at 6:00 in the morning on a day off I was the only one up and could deal with it by myself and I had already warned John not to ask me about it.

Of course pharmacy is closed on Sunday so I left a long message. They pharmacist was laughing about my message Monday morning during our 'consult'. (I could have educated him better than he did me!)

The best Christmas gift I gave my husband this year though was that my body did what it was supposed to and I didn't have to take the crazy pills! Which is a very good thing since I already was yelling at him for eating ice cream the wrong way! Holy cow, batman! Can you even imagine the craziness that would have ensued had the crazy pills been used?

We headed back to school and I had my follow up appointment on Monday, where i waited for an hour in the waiting room. They were so behind, but it wasn't a big deal. She was impressed with my 7lb weight loss over thanksgiving, Christmas, and new years(although I was disappointed because I knew it was more b4 last weeks binge!) She was also very optimistic about this working for us. She made sure to give me meds for my infection(yup the same one I thought I had a month ago) that would be "out of my system before conception because it isn't approved to be used in the first trimester". Also of course giving me the whole "it takes regular people about a year so don't let negative pg tests get you down" lecture. SO I don't know, I left feeling very hopeful.

Until I got a block away... and realized I FORGOT to ask about my thyroid and HSG results while I was there. I feel like SUCH an idiot! I can't believe I forgot that was the MAIN reason I even went to the appointment and didn't cancel! John's upset because he thinks she should have remembered, especially after my research since Monday. (warning: if you read that information, don't ask me about it in person unless we're not in public and you're ok with me crying like a baby. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it without bursting into tears, since that's what I do just thinking about it). When I showed it to John I can tell he feels just as defeated as I do. If it's not one thing its another. However, if a simple surgery will fix it, and that's indeed what I have, then WHY OH WHY can't we just do it and get it over with? I feel really sick to my stomach. Because it's looking like even if by some miracle we do actually get pregnant, only 10% of pregnancies end with a living baby when you have a septate uterus. (if I'm reading that right)

Anyway, clomid started last Saturday... that's also when I bought my very first OPK (whole story by itself) can we say expensive? And for the record... why is there so much peeing involved in getting/being pregnant? Using the bathroom is such a pet peeve of mine. If I could have someone else do it for me, I totally would! So, off we go!