In miracle related news... I didn't have to take the crazy pills AGAIN! Thank heavens, because once you reach the end of this post, can you imagine having to read what I would've written if I HAD taken them!?!?!
I can think of many wonderful times in my life that I'd liked to have lived in forever. Most aren't even big things, everyday ordinary moments that just epitomize why I generally love my life. I've had many of these moments this year even though its only the 33rd day of the year. Small things like
- fresh snow
- the sun coming up in the morning during the summer and John and I signing the line "here comes the sun"
- Gerber daisies
- snuggling with Tuffaroo
- sunsets whether on the beach or on my back porch
- playing games with family or friends
- spending time with those who mean the most to me
oh the list is endless! Seriously I'm thinking of so many that I can't write any one more...
However the last 33 days I've felt the overwhelming pressure of LIFE in general and the following question won't leave mt head...
Can I please be excused from life as I know it at this exact moment?
I don't know if I'm OK. I keep saying I am. But as even my principal knows, my motto is "Fake it 'til you make it!" So when do I stop faking? Or have I gotten so good at faking that now that's the real me? I just don't want to put the effort into anything lately... That's not to say I'm not putting in the effort, because frankly I think I'm pouring even more of myself into each thing I do since I don't want to do it in the first place. I just don't care.
I honestly wish they'd fire me from my job so I could be home all day not having to do anything... (of course then i wouldn't have a home b/c I couldn't afford it!) School is awful. It's so draining. I almost hate walking in the building. Between my 'darling' (read obnoxious between the lines) students and the "clark county folk" (what I call all the new people around since that's all they seem to hire these days) oh and don't forget all the other drama seekers that are STILL around (because heaven forbid they be the ones that leave), I can't catch a break. John's not exempt either. Usually he's my rock, my calm, but they're even getting to him. We both came home today utterly spent, ready to quit. I even offered to slug someone and get fired, but John said he wasn't okay with that. (I TOTALLY would do it too!)
So now that I've vented, and am thinking how psychotic I must sound, I'm finding my heating pad, and Tuffy and I are being couch potatoes.