Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day

Father's Day is so much harder than Mother's Day for me.

Two years, one week, and 6 days ago my own father passed away from cancer. That right there is enough to make this day hard. I was/have always been/will always be a daddy's girl. And while I know he's in a place far better from here, it doesn't make the times when I still pick up the phone and try and call him any easier. That moment when I realize that he can't sympathize with me, give me advice, or consol me with words I hear or hugs I feel, hurts.

Every time.

To add to it, my dear husband is still not a father. And yes I do, always, blame that on myself. More than anything that is what I want out of my life is to watch some little child, well, our little child, climb up in his lap, tell him "You're the BEST daddy, EVER! Happy Father's Day!" and hug and kiss him. He deserves that. He's the most wonderful man in the world, and he deserves a little one to love him as much as I love my own daddy.

So to the two most important men in my life I'm sorry this day is so hard for me, because it really should be all about you both.

I love you

Happy Father's Day!

14 comments:

deirdre said...

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deirdre said...

i tried to post something before, but this thing ate it

Love your father and your husband, God sees the love and blesses you.

endo can be helped, and be very happy you have a great husband, many women want one :) enjoy your days as you wait to be blessed, perhaps one day you will be very very busy

there's help out there, see an endo excision expert, you can send your records for their opinions, often free

centerforendo.com

endometriosissurgeon.com

endoexcision.com

naprotechnology.com

diet and progesterone can also help

johnleemd.com

endometriosis.org/nutrition

makingbabies.com - see diet

endo-resolved.com

erc.activboard.org/ google it if it doesn't come up

deirdre said...

dian s mills' books and sites are wonderful, look into them :)

nfp / napro docs help women chart, test hormones and supplement with progesterone if needed

fertilitycare.org

omsoul.com

google ''TTC prometrium'' or ''TTC progesterone''

also, get marilyn shannon's 4th edition of her book about fertility nutrition and cycles at amazon

WiseGuy said...

am so sad that Father's Day has such a sad meaning for you. I hope you father is in deep peace.

All the very best to you!

*ICLW*

Kacy said...

((Hugs!!))

*ICLW*

www.infertilityinstability.blogspot.com

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Sorry that Father's Day is a bit bittersweet for you.

*ICLW*

Fat Chick said...

My father passed away, too, and Father's Day has always been difficult. I hope you celebrate your husband's first Father's Day next year!

ICLW

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm so sorry about your father. It's so hard to lose a parent. My mom passed away a little over 3 years ago due to Cancer, as well. It's a rough road to travel.
*HUGS and ICLW*

Parenthood For Me said...

So sorry this day is another reminder of the pain you feel.

Alex said...

Oh Erika, my heart aches for you girl. I'm so sorry you miss your dad so much, I know what you mean about being a daddy's girl, I'm the exact same way. My dad is a cancer survivor but is not doing well and I know one day soon I will face this same pain... I'm so glad we have the Gospel to provide us with the peace that we will be together again forever some day, but you're right... its still painful. Hugs and more hugs to you!

ICLW

Lisa RM said...

I am so sorry that a day meant to be joyful causes you pain. I guess there's really no separating the two- joy and pain- in reality they're too connected. And one makes us appreciate the other, while it helps us to try to avoid the first.

ICLW

Michelle said...

Sorry about the loss of your father. I, too, am a huge daddy's girl, so I can only imagine your grief.

I have a similiar vision of seeing my husband with our children and finally getting to enjoy this holiday!
~Michelle (ICLW)

Wishing 4 One said...

Sorry that this holiday is so sad for you. May your Dad rest in complete peace. I know one day your husband will be a great father, we all have to think and hope for our husbands to one day be great fathers, dont we? hugs....

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I'm sorry that Father's Day is challenging for you bear. I know that feeling of having disappointed your beloved. Sending prayers of peace and healing for your heart.

~ICLW